Important info on the Stimulus Payment

Bob

01-28-2009

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Important info on the Stimulus Payment

This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a
very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

   "Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
   "A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

   "Q. Where will the government get this money?
   "A. From taxpayers.

   "Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
   "A. Only a smidgen.

   "Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
   "A. The plan is that you will use the money to
   purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

   "Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
   "A. Shut up."

   Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US
     economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

   If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
   If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.

   If you purchase a computer it will go to India.

   If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to
     Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).

   If you buy a car it will go to Japan.

   If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan.

   And none of it will help the American economy.

   We need to keep that money here in America.

    You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard
    sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes,
    beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only
    businesses still left in the US.

Bob

01-28-2009

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From Gynecologist to Mechanic

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out.

Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial; he decided to become a mechanic.

He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade.

"The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark.

You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."

After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career."

Todd

01-28-2009

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Yep the times are changing.

Seed

01-28-2009

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Good laughs Bob! Thanks.

TooTall

01-28-2009

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It is all getting spent on debt and bills regardless of who recieves what or how much.