...It's the "Red Neck Dictionary"! 

Lised in order by favorites...

1, Bobble;   the confident prediction for future action, to be effected by a person named Robert. example ;.. "Dont worry, Bobble know what to do."

2, Aspect;  (lets skip the definitions and go strait to the examples),..  Well he went for a squat in the woods and got his aspect by a wood pecker!!!

3, Condom;  example;.. "Yep she's pregnant, she condom in ta think'n she was on birth control"

4, Chapter;  example;.. "Boy that wind chapter lips up real good!"

5, Coffee;  example;.. "My grandpap's got a real bad cold, every time he tries to coffee pees his pants"

6, Snowman; example;.. "If yer ask'n, did I do it the answer snowman"

Uh oh gotta go! more to come, stay tuned y'all....

I really like the first one. I use it all the time.

We have our very own Bobble on this web site. Bobbles are great.

Bobble love it...

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She
asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

=====================
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She
said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started..

=====================



When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive...

so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...

=====================
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to
verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my
curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she
processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might
have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

=====================
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been
sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?'

And then the fight started...

=====================
I took my wife to a restaurant The waiter, for some reason, took my order
first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

=====================
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy
with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old,
fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

=====================
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream

And then the fight started....

=====================
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not
as much as the dress she wore yesterday

and then the fight started.....

=====================
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? " It warmed
my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't
been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....


=====================
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in
bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she
answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at
me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a
friend."

And that's when the fight started....

If  you ever get the  sudden
Urge  to run around naked,
You  should sniff some Windex  first.  
It'll  keep you from streaking.

the best christmas gift I got was I got to work this last week everyday but new years day. It will help me put money back in my account cause the ex hit me up for an extra $300.00 to bring my kids up to the Northwest 1 day earlier than planned. I dont take kindly to blackmail but a week with my kids was even better than I couldve hoped for. I just wished we wouldve had 1 more week of freezing weather but we had a great time none the less. May 2009 be a year of recouping for everyone and be 100% better than 2008. Best Wishes to all...

Naked; .. I'll do whatever I want, an naked do whatever they want

And now the best one of all that I have saved for very last and customized a little...

Pumpkin;  example;..  "There aint no way in hell that little pumpkin reach way over yonder!" and another... "Boy that ole pumpkin sure lay the mud down!"...... this could go on & on......

...if the diploma hanging in your living room says "Trucking Institute" ..........if you think the stock market has a fence around it........you have a house that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't ........taking your wife on a cruise means circling Dairy Queen