Dear parents,

There seems to be two separate methodologies at work when it comes to child rearing. I have some questions for you about this. I don’t have any kids so although I have thought about this a lot, I have no practical knowledge. Perhaps you can help me understand.

All of my information on the subject is from the viewing of others or my own experience growing up. Let’s go there first.

My parents were in charge. We did things when they wanted to do them, how they wanted to do them and I suspect why they wanted to do them. We [my bro’ and sisters] had little input. This used to make me mad sometimes, but that never seemed to matter much. The other side of this is for those parents that let the kids decide the what, where and when. QUESTION ONE; Which is right/better?

I had things that I was responsible for. I had it pretty good as a child. Two parent family, reasonable household income [Dad worked, Mom took care of the rest] low or no crime neighborhood, lots of kids to play with, forts to build, creeks to dam, all and all pretty idyllic. Meanwhile, I still had things I was responsible for, there was no “or not involved”. That was never an option. It was that way or it was ‘that’s your ass’ time. QUESTION TWO; Is that right or does the kid have an option to do it his way?

I was told that food, clothing and shelter were part of the deal; everything else was optional at their discretion. QUESTION THREE; Is this right or was I lied to all those years?

My folks used to tell me that what was going on was that they were getting me ready to go it on my own. I was being given ‘low impact’ lessons in how to assume responsibility, learn how things work in the ‘real world’ where other folks didn’t care if you live or die, try and get a handle on some sort of ‘work ethic’ and receive at least enough education so as not to deprive me of the possibility of success. QUESTION FOUR; is this reasonable?

Usually my Mother, but sometimes my Father would say that if I wasn’t ready to join society as a productive member; If my contribution to the world was a welfare check or prison number or a piss bum then they had failed in their job as parents. QUESTION FIVE; Is that true? Is that your main responsibility as a parent……………… or what?

Any and all answers will be appreciated. My reason for wanting to know is simple. I see people changing and I am interested in knowing what is going on.

Thanks,

Bob ;~)  

Thank you Bob, once again you are correct. That is pretty much how I was raised and did the same with my kids. They are self sufficient and successful and make me proud.

It is a shame that somewhere along the line, other parents didn't follow the same ideology. I guess that is why our prisons are overflowing, there are 45% of the population that don't pay income tax, drugs are rampant, and so many people expect the government to solve all their problems.

My philosophy though I'm far from perfect. Teach them all you can, Spent as much time with them as possible, don't be too strict, because in my theory.. If the kid is raised too strictly they will be afraid to try new things in life. The only failures are the ones that didn't try.

Same here old school all the way!! Thats how my two girls are bieng raised. And they are both great kids.

Most important,be there for them.Spend time in their room listening and playing with them on their turf.Show them that they are loved...all the rest will fall in to place.

When the kid reaches the age of majority without the necessary tools..............

Who is to blame?

bob call me john

Which John?

irbsjr@msn.com

(770) 403-1444

Great topic Bob! I have no kids of my own. From my personal experience of growing up. I did what I wanted when I wanted. This approach led me down paths most likely not traveled if I would have had a stricter up bringing. I have had a lot of ROCK N ROLL fun! A friend of mine out in the field his old man put the fear of God in him and he believed it. He did not have any rock n roll fun. He went to college and tells people how to build buildings. I believe there is a balancing act that has to be done. In the end Love is the answer. My old man and I were tight! At times I wish he would have punched me in the face and told me to go to school. He was not pro education. My only complaint towards him. I do however have a step daughter and have been harping the school thing since I met her ten years ago! I tell her often. You don't want to go to college you have two choices. Welcome to the restaurant business or welcome to construction. Take your pick.

  Answer #1;  Parents can only do so much, we are born with some things that raising and rearing will never change. In other words, Some of us are just born bad. I've seen some really great parents end up with some really rotten off-spring and vice versa?

In my opinion you raise your children and you start young teaching them how to make decisions you still make the important ones for them and you let them know why,when they get to 13 or 14 you loosen the reigns a little and see how they do while still guiding when they get 16 or 17 they have to start making some important ones themselves you hope youve instilled the morals for them to make the rite ones,I have tried to instill christian values in my children and guide them in the best way possible in the end thats all we can do and support them the best we can.

 You're a good Dad pudg! From one Dad to another, I know you'll take that as the compliment it's intended to be.

 That was better than any pump advice I've ever taken from you!